Coping With Divorce

Sometimes we are not able to salvage our marriage and have to accept that the only solution for peace in our lives is divorce.  Successfuly coping with divorce involves keeping things as amicable as possible.  As difficult as that seems, it will make things go a lot more smoothly, it’ll be easier on the children coping with the divorce and it will speed up the process.  Not to mention, it will save you a lot of money on lawyers.

Here is a bit of breakup advice.  First of all, it is always helpful to seek divorce counseling.  Similar to marriage therapy, being counseled on how to breakup amicably and how to co-parent when you are no longer living with your partner, is invaluable. 

It is also important to just let your partner go.  This is an internal act where you release the emotional charge and just allow things to be.  If you accept that your relationship is not working out, the act of letting your partner go will give you the feeling of freedom.  It may be quite difficult, but it promises to give you peace of mind.

There are certain emotional stages that you will find yourself going through during the course of your breakup.  Usually, the first stage is one of disbelief and/or relief.  You will feel like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders.  However, at the same time, you may feel like the whole thing is unbelievable or surreal.  Sometimes you don’t go through the feelings of relief or disbelief but rather one of deep shock.  You may feel that you can’t function and want to just drop out of life for a while.  Usually after you go through these initial stages, you enter the angry stage.  It is also quite common to feel uncertain as to whether or not you should even be getting a divorce.  One minute you may feel content or a sense of freedom and then the next you feel ambivalent about the whole process.  It is perfectly normal to feel these mixed emotions.  Another common response to divorce is to feel depressed.   It is usually the predecessor to feelings of sadness and grief.

Grieving the loss of a marriage and family as you know it, is very similar to grieving the death of a loved one.  Finding a support system, whether it be through divorce counseling, or even just having family and friends around to listen or help with the children, will be incredibly helpful.  Some people also use spirituality or religion to keep them balanced during this time.   Focusing on yourself and being kind to yourself will help you get through this rough time.  Take time out to reflect and do things that are nurturing for you.  You will also find that there are so many things that you had stopped doing during your marriage just to be accommodating to your spouse.  Try to find the time to start doing them again.  This is also the time to reconnect with people you have lost touch with. 

Look to the future and be positive about starting your new life.  All of your life experiences have brought you to the place you are now.  You are exactly where you are meant to be.